ISBN:
0743204441
Title: The Surrendered Wife Pdf A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace
Author: Laura Doyle
Published Date: 2001-01-08
Page: 288
Self-proclaimed "feminist and former shrew" Laura Doyle sets forth a whopper of a game plan for establishing profound intimacy in one's marriage. Building on the gender stereotypes defined by bestselling author John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus), Doyle seeks to heal the overworked, underappreciated wife who snarls at her mate's every thought or action. Her message to these smart, self-sufficient types: check the nitpicking, the unsolicited opinions, and--egads!--the finances at the marital door (although she says it's still okay to wield control at work). Many women will find such advice archaic and offensive; some will simply laugh off this credential-free anachronism when they receive the book as a bridal-shower gag gift. Still others, identifying with Doyle's profile of a controlling wife, will be curious enough to dabble in her proposed art of "surrendering." According to Doyle, the wife who chooses to surrender must learn to take care of herself first, overcome the desire to have more power, and abandon the myth of equality. Delving into the personal tales and sisterly advice shared within each chapter's pages, surrendering wives will further note the need to master unsavory phrases like "I can't," and "Whatever you think"--tough to swallow for a generation of women who value their own opinions. While she fully acknowledges that a few bills will go unpaid and a few deadlines or freeway exits will occasionally be missed, she also insists that surrendered wives will encounter less worry and fear, more money, and better sex. Hey, "Whatever you think...." --Liane Thomas John Gray author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus The Surrendered Wife is a practical and valuable tool for women wanting to regain intimacy in their relationships.
A New York Times bestseller, this controversial guide to improving your marriage has transformed thousands of relationships, bringing women romance, harmony, and the intimacy they crave.
Like millions of women, Laura Doyle wanted her marriage to be better. But when she tried to get her husband to be more romantic, helpful, and ambitious, he withdrew—and she was lonely and exhausted from controlling everything. Desperate to be in love with her man again, she decided to stop telling him what to do and how to do it. When Doyle surrendered control, something magical happened. The union she had always dreamed of appeared. The man who had wooed her was back.
The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage. Laura Doyle’s model for matrimony shows women how they can both express their needs and have them met while also respecting their husband’s choices. When they do, they revitalize intimacy.
Compassionate and practical, The Surrendered Wife is a step-by-step guide that teaches women how to:
· Give up unnecessary control and responsibility
· Resist the temptation to criticize, belittle, or dismiss their husbands
· Trust their husbands in every aspect of marriage—from sexual to financial
· And more.
The Surrendered Wife will show you how to transform a lonely marriage into a passionate union.
Waste of money & time. Nope. I thought this book would be based on biblical principles, but it isn't. This book is basically telling women, "Don't ever speak your mind to your husband. Just close your mouth and agree every single time." She goes so far as to say something along the lines of not correcting your husband if they're going the wrong way while driving and crossed state lines. What?! I'm sorry, that's absolutely absurd to not speak up. It is not disrespectful to say something like, "Honey, are you ok? You missed our exit back there..." She suggests shutting your mouth 24/7 and agreeing with pretty much EVERYTHING your husband says, as if he isn't human and prone to error, like we all are. You can still be very respectful and honoring towards your husband, yet still disagree. There were many times in my marriage where I didn't agree with my husband. However, I do choose my battles because I don't want to make him feel belittled or criticized over petty things. But you can bet your bottom dollar, he knows how I feel about things that are most important to me. But I do have a voice and I think it's okay within your marriage to share that. My 2 cents.Another part of her book, which was the point where I decided I wasn't going to continue reading it anymore was when she wrote on p. 52 beneath, Responding To His Crazy Ideas, "... Instead, say with as much kindness and sincerity as you can muster, "Whatever you think" when he is telling you his ideas... If he thinks the kids should learn how to ski, and this sounds dangerous to you, say, "Whatever you think." "I'm not saying skiing is dangerous or that I wouldn't let my husband take our kids to learn how to ski, but where do you draw the line in not speaking up? Women have motherly intuition for a reason. When our son was 2 years old, he developed sleep apnea due to enlarged tonsils. At the time, we didn't know it was sleep apnea. His pediatrician said to give him time to grow out of it because they usually outgrow it by age 5. When I brought this up to my husband, he'll be the first one to tell you he didn't think it was anything serious. When age 5 came, I realized that something was wrong - he had a lot of delays, including delayed growth and it was was due to the sleep apnea that went unnoticed, which was causing him to be deprived of oxygen during his sleep. After our son caught a cold and I actually laid next to him in bed and heard him sleeping and knew something was wrong with his breathing, I brought it up again to my husband and he still didn't think anything was really wrong. But I knew better. I took him in to get a sleep study done and he ended up having really bad sleep apnea and had to remove his tonsils and adenoids. What if I did nothing because I didn't trust my gut and agreed with him it was nothing? So again, where do you draw the line? I'm not trying to point fingers, but I am trying to point to the fact that we're all human and prone to make mistakes. It's irresponsible to our children to not advocate for them if we feel like something is wrong, even if it means disagreeing with our husband. Trust me, a husband who loves his wife will hear her heart. It's not being a nag when you expose your fears and concerns with him. When I told my husband, in tears, that I truly believed something was wrong with our son, he told me to do what I thought was best. He did that because he trusts me as a mother and because he's a great man who actually does listen. I totally disagree with her position that "no matter how dangerous" you perceive something to be, that wives need to always stay silent. That can be detrimental.Then again, she had some major control issues she exposed in this book so maybe that's why her pendulum is swung in the most extreme direction. Not allowing her husband to plan a date? Telling his barber how to cut his hair? What to wear? Come on - now of course, if you're doing that, you need to change. I definitely agree for the most part that we shouldn't correct, criticize, belittle, interrupt, control, etc.., but she is confusing surrendered with another word that's synonymous with doormat.I guess I should've read more of the 1 star reviews before purchasing. My bad.Trust me, I understand submission. I am a Christian and know my role as a helper to my husband. I stay home and raise/homeschool our 3 kids. I understand that because I'm home most of the day, I am primarily responsible to take care of the household work. But my husband cares enough to help often. I respect my husband very much. I got this book to learn more about surrendering over a particular situation, but this book was a complete waste of money and time. (I can't even finish reading it.) If you found it blessed your marriage, more power to you. I feel like it wasn't the book I was looking for.You'll get more from reading what the Bible says about husbands and wives: Husbands, love your wives. Wives, respect your husbands.But respect doesn't mean becoming a brainless, mute doormat.Disappointed. Want my opinion? Don't waste your time or money. I'm off to purchase a book a friend highly recommended by the top marriage therapist in Israel called Garden of Peace - there's a book for the man and one for the woman, written by Rabbi Shalom Arush.(I am a Messianic Christian. The above author is Jewish, not Messianic, but my friend said there's much to be gleaned despite his religious status.)Freedom In Surrender!!!!! YES. Kinda Nailed It! This book helped radically change the way my husband and I function in our marriage. I guess you can jump on the current feminist movement and demand that it's all about you, but then it's all up to you. Seems like a lot of pressure to add to today's busy woman. Women don't realize the power that comes from shutting up. Gentle strength. As the author points out toward the end of the book, that surrender to a higher power will enable you to give over the reins to a human must easier. This is essential. There is no way I could give the control to someone whom I've seen make bad decisions if I didn't believe that Jesus is the one truly in control.Is this book a fix-all to a complicated relationship? No, but it's a start. I love the little tips throughout the book helping the rubber meet the road. Pride comes before the fall, setting yours down to have a successful relationship will help you get to the old, in-love couple that we all admire.Trying to run the world your way will lead you to a mental breakdown and shear exhaustion. This book helps you see that really we have little control over things in this life. Might as well have a lovely relationship while we are here.I few things I learned with this book as a guide.This book is full of extremely practical and excellent advice, that can be applied to any relationship This book is not about surrendering yourself as a person and becoming a dishrag to your husband. This is about learning how to surrender you overbearing qualities, and your need to always be right and always be in charge, and learning how to give your husband subliminal messages, just by being a nicer, more patient person. This book is full of extremely practical and excellent advice, that can be applied to any relationship. This is a highly recommended book!
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